Calling all wannabe rock stars, shower singers and driver's side divas. We know you're out there.
You think your puffed up "Pride" would fill Bono with shame. And your rousing "Respect" would cause Aretha to bow in
adoration. Or maybe your rendition of "Rosalita" would have you giving the Boss orders.
But are you out there proving it? If so, we went looking to find you and any other budding big shots around the area. We
hit a bunch of the local bars to see who was showing off their skills on the most open of stages -- in the karaoke
spotlight.
In our scouring we came across a professional stage performer, a ton of novices, a karaoke bar fight, train wrecks, lots
of liquid courage and a German seeking karaoke refuge.
There's quite a karaoke culture alive in Delaware and, despite the fear of pumping up some singing egos, here are their
stories.
DIE-HARD OR NOT, IT'S ALWAYS AMATEUR NIGHT
In the search for die-hard karaoke-ers, we went with old reliable -- the Deer Park Tavern on a Wednesday night where we
met KJ (that would be Karaoke Jockey) Vinnie Porcellini.
"You know it's Spring Break, so there might not be a lot of people here tonight," Vinnie said, his voice echoing in the
empty upstairs bar.
Of course I knew that. What better place to find the regulars who show up just to sing?
Bill Elsman was the night's first brave soul to climb up to the monitor when he belted out Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury
Hill." The 29-year-old New Jersey native shows up every week to test his fears and challenge himself. For Bill, the karaoke
stage doubles as a practice stage for his various roles as a member of the University of Delaware's Professional Theater
Training Program.
"This is part of my work, getting on stage facing my fears, so I'm kind of fine-tuning my skills," Bill said. "I pick a
different song each week, but I usually think about what I'll be singing beforehand."
At the other end of the spectrum, we met Amanda Roberts of Wilmington. She started with the disclaimer: "Cover your ears
if you want to!" Then, she fumbled her way through Dead Eye Dick's "New Age Girl," reading the lyrics, "She don't eat meat,
but she sure likes the bone" like a grocery list.
"It's confidence. You need confidence to get up there and perform like that," Amanda said. Out with her long-time friend
Holly Sullivan, the two had already made their way through three rounds of confidence cocktails -- frozen margaritas.
"These [drinks] always help, but the best part is getting together and having fun like we used to in college," Holly said.
At that point Holly gulped half a pint of alcoholic brain freeze and made her way to the floor. She was up next with Pat
Benatar's "Heartbreaker." And then all heck would break loose.
SCUFFLE AT THE O.K. KARAOKE
A mustachioed, cowboy hat-wearing s.o.b. and a blonde punk rocker with gun metal glasses walk into a bar.
One chooses Sinatra. The other selects Billy Idol. There's no punchline that follows this story. Just punches.
While I watched, the punk rocker screamed his way through Idol's "Rebel Yell" and a noose-worthy rendition of INXS' "The
Devil Inside." The cowpoke crooned ol' Blue Eyes three times. It seemed the styles, and the men, were headed for a
face-off.
Looking like a first grader with an oversized Trapper Keeper, I was flipping through the massive karaoke binder and
listening to Holly's "Heartbreaker" when, from behind, I heard the classic sound of screeching barstools across a dusty
hardwood floor. From there, it was on.
I turned around and saw the punk and cowboy throwing fists at each other while falling into chairs and tables.
Shirttails were out and a Stetson hit the floor. Vinnie the KJ was stuck in the middle.
It wasn't long before bouncers came out from seemingly everywhere: through secret doors, from behind paintings, off the
balcony. I think I saw someone emerge from a hatch in the floor. The men were separated, the punk was tossed, and Vinnie
returned to the mike.
"Heartbreaker," he said. "That song gets them riled up every time."
WHAT TO SING
Back to the songbook and thousands of listings, I started to realize that at least half of the songs should never have
been performed by "professionals" in the first place, let alone by the half-hammered masses at a bar.
What to pick? There was "I'm Horny" by Hot & Juicy or "My Ding-A-Ling" by Chuck Berry. Both seem safe enough, but I
decided on Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues," mostly because I had sung it before. A couple beers later, I shot a man in
Reno, just to watch him die.
My turn again. My friend pointed out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's "I Keed," I started considering a mix of music and
comedy but instead I decided to wail on a rendition of Adam Sandler's "Ode to my Car" that would've made my bedroom mirror
proud.
Claudia Biester lives in Germany, where apparently karaoke is hard to find. When visiting the States, she throws caution
to the wind. When I met her at Bank Shots on Pulaski Highway for their Tuesday night karaoke, she had just finished singing
Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" to perfection.
"I have never sung that song before, but it's in the realm of what I'm used to singing, love ballads and the like,"
Claudia mused. "It's good to go out on a limb, but I think it's important to sing a style you're comfortable with, something
familiar."
SIMON COWELL WITH A LITTLE LESS 'TUDE
So, are these people who frequent Karaoke nights at their local pubs really rock stars in training? Or are they just
working their livers and relying on their liquid courage?
We asked professional vocal coach Brian Craft to provide us with the litmus test. Brian has been singing since he was a
little boy, and the 22-year-old teaches lessons at the Music & Arts Center on Kirkwood Highway and is the music director
at the Christ Church in Elsmere.
We met up at Bank Shots for the All-star Karaoke show Tuesday night, grabbed some beers, sat down and listened intently to
the karaoke-ers. First up was Jared and his foreboding rendition of "Collide" by Howie Day.
"He's squeezing his larynx too much, so his voice will get higher like the song," Brian said. "It's not the proper
technique, but he's doing a good job of imitating the singer." The train was pulling out of the station, but no wreck in
sight -- for now.
Next up was Vickie, who actually does some part-time work as a KJ for All-star. She decided to shred her chords on Janis
Joplin's "Piece of My Heart," screeches and all.
"This is a really difficult one to pull off, and if I tried it I'd be hoarse the next day," Brian said. "I think most
people do karaoke for fun, but it doesn't sound like her vocal chords are having fun."
Decorated with high fives and hugs afterward, Vickie had pulled it off. The train had made its first stop at a safe
station, but as the whistle blew, Julia stepped up for an attempt at R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts," putting us all on the verge
of derailment.
As she slid her pitch up and down, not everybody hurt, but their ear drums were probably in a little pain. "She's having
trouble with her breathing, and the more relaxed she is, the more her pitch fluctuates."
Remember those Looney Tunes episodes where a train would be heading into a tunnel and all of a sudden you'd see another
train's light coming at it? Keep that in mind, because another sassy Amanda was ready to shock the world.
Her choice? "Don't Cha?" by the Pussycat Dolls. Gyrations, finger shaking and some suggestive taunting led us to believe
Amanda had done this before.
Just maybe not the singing part.
"Wow, this one definitely hurts. Don't ya wish she'd stop?" Brian asked. "She's very into it, but that's not always a good
thing." Indeed, we were witnessing a head-on collision.
"I know it wasn't that good," Amanda said later. "But I wasn't ready for the re-mix. You gotta understand that."
With her performance still fresh in my mind, I wasn't much in the mood to understand.
AVOIDING THE WRECKAGE
We asked Brian to make us a list of do's and don'ts based on his professional expertise as a voice coach and his limited
karaoke experience. Mind you, he once sang "Puff the Magic Dragon," karaoke-style, but we still value his opinion.
We wondered, what can you do to avoid embarrassment on karaoke night? Is it even possible? Brian explained everything.
THE DO'S
1. Be familiar with your song. "There isn't any music in front of you up there, only words, so make sure you have a good
idea of what you're singing, as it's very easy to get lost."
2. Stay within your range. "If you're having trouble hitting notes in the car, chances are it won't be any easier when you
sing in front of people."
3. Sing with a friend. "Try to sing with another person if it's your first time up. It takes some of the focus off your
individual voice, and helps you relax a little bit.
4. Sing confidently. "Singing out and hitting a few wrong notes is better than sounding like you're unsure of yourself for
the entire song."
5. Have fun. "You're up there to have a good time, not to impress anyone. Plus, the more relaxed you are, the better your
voice will sound."
THE DON'TS
1. Sing Styx (if you're a baritone). "If you're noted for having a very low voice, don't try to sing anything by Styx.
Chances are the notes will be a little out of your range."
2. Harmonize. "Don't pick a song that features an artist doing a lot of harmony within the song. Less complex songs will
sound a lot better in karaoke."
3. Be afraid of your own personality. "Trying to sound just like the original artist isn't always a good thing. You're the
one singing, so let your own emotions and feelings come through."
4. Go up there cold. "If you have the option, try to pick a 'warm-up' song if you're performing more than once. A
difficult song is usually a better second choice, after you've gotten warm."
5. Stop when you screw up. "Don't worry about it if you make a mistake. Even though you might be singing a popular song,
original artists mess up all the time. Just improvise and add your own twist."
